Crushed

I lost my brother last night. He was only 62 and died from a rare form of cancer.  Sadly, I was unable to say goodbye to him in person because he didn’t want any visitors. It’s hard for me to comprehend losing someone I have known my whole life. We lived in different states but talked regularly.

His wife was killed by a drunk driver 18 years ago, leaving him with a 6 and 10-year-old.  He never remarried. He had a long time girlfriend who helped him tremendously during his illness. He was diagnosed in November of 2018. He was told at that time that he might have five years. Five years turned into 18 months. We were told five weeks ago that he had 3 months left. Life is extraordinarily cruel.

I have many happy memories of my brother growing up. We had drifted apart for a few years but became close again after his wife died.  I’m devastated that I was unable to see him in person before he died.  Near the end, he couldn’t even talk on the phone.

I’m now a part of a club I never wanted to be in, losing a sibling before their time.  I have several close friends in this club.

The last time I saw my sister in law alive was in July of 2002. She and my brother and kids came to visit us. We went to a vacation destination for the weekend and had a wonderful time. We made plans to take a vacation together the following year.  Sadly, my sister in law was killed after Christmas in 2002.  We still went on the trip, it just wasn’t the same without Joanne.

I just wanted to see my brother and hold his hand and kiss his cheek. I was able to get him a message telling him how much I loved him. I was told he didn’t want anyone to see how terrible he looked, which was one of the reasons he didn’t want any visitors.  He had lost a lot of weight. He had many friends who couldn’t say goodbye to him.

My brother was a jokester like me. He was quick-witted and could easily make people laugh. I think that’s what he’ll be remembered for.

Goodbye big brother, see you on the other side. RIP.

42 thoughts on “Crushed

  1. I’m so sad for you and your family. I cannot imagine losing one of my siblings, and we aren’t far behind you or your brother. I will virtually hug them harder for you and your brother when I see them this evening on our Zoom Happy Hour. Be well. 😿

  2. Hello CC. I grieve with you for your loss. I liked this only so you would know I read and understand a bit of what you are expressing. I know now is hard, but I send you my best wishes and hope you continue to remember the best times with your brother as comfort. Hugs

  3. Very sorry for your loss. May he Rest In Peace. My brother was my first friend. miss him very much. It’s just not supposed to happen that way 😞

  4. My condolences are with you and your family! Remember to stay positive for your brother because he would’ve wanted to see you happy. I’ve had a loved one very close go through cancer and its monstrous, in my opinion, cruel to watch a person go through it. Knowing all that about it, it’s good to say that he’s in a better place now and free of pain.
    Your brother is ALWAYS with you, in your heart, in your mind, and in your soul, DON’T FORGET THAT.
    You also have your followers too and family to give you support. So keep your head up high for your brother and may God be with you and your family. Take care. xoxo

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