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Who went into my closet and shrunk all of my shorts?!?!??!

Feb20

Wedding photo 1995Winter sucks.  Nothing new there.  In anticipation of our upcoming vacation out west, I tried on some of my shorts. Oh crap!  I’ve gained a few pounds over the winter, and now all of my summer clothes are too tight.  I just can’t seem to get motivated to exercise.

I was doing so well.  I lost 57 pounds five years ago, after having been overweight most of my adult life.  I gained 20 pounds back, but have maintained my weight for four years.  It is so hard to lose weight when you get older. One thing for sure, I will never be skinny, and that’s okay with me.  When you get too thin when you are older, your face gets really wrinkled. Not a look I’m going for.

One thing I would like to add for my younger followers: Don’t worry about being a bit thick. I was about 30 pounds overweight for many years, and that didn’t keep me from dating good looking guys.  It’s really all about how you carry yourself and your personality.

I married a handsome man eight years younger than me, and we are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this year.  It’s all about attitude!

Here’s me and my handsome hubby on our wedding day twenty years ago.

Okay, how is this even possible???

Feb18

As a middle aged woman, I’ve been watching my weight pretty much my whole life.  I recently came across a journal from when I was in high school.  I’ve been keeping track of my measurements forever.  Well I found some measurements from when I was a senior, which was a bazillion years ago. Anywho, I now weigh at least 50 pounds more than I did when I was that age, but my thighs are the same size.  How is that even possible??? Of course everything else got bigger, but apparently not my legs.  My “girls” grew quite a bit since then, but jesus, it’s not like they are stripper size or anything.  I was telling some of my friends about it and one of the gals asked what I did for exercise.  I walk about 15 miles a week on a treadmill. She said that was it, well why isn’t everything else smaller?? Damn you to hell menopause!

THE BOY

Feb17

Ok, that picture is creepier than shit! I may have nightmares!

occu77's avatarTome and Tomb

The Boy should make one helluvah Joker.

After all he began his career with matricide.

Of course I don’t believe for a second that his mom was his first rodeo. To be a kid like that you gotta practice first. He wore out a few saddles before he got around to her.

Of course if anybody in Gotham had any sense at all they’d kill him right now.

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Area Man Loses Both Rental Car Keys Because They’re Fucking Attached

Feb12

Man, I hate when that happens LOL

thelonelypetunia's avatarThe Lonely Petunia

ATLANTA, GA—During a recent business trip, area man Kevin Simmons lost both sets of keys to this rental car because the keys were fucking attached to each other. “They gave me two sets of keys to my car, but for some goddamned reason, there was a metal ring permanently joining them together. So, when I misplaced one, I sure as hell misplaced the other,” said a disgruntled Mr. Simmons to reporters. Sources confirmed that Avis did indeed give Mr. Simmons two sets of keys to his Toyota Camry, which would provide him an extra set should he accidently lose one. However, reporters were unable to identify any logical fucking reason why Avis would fucking attach them to each other, for Chrissake. “If they’re going to attach them to each other, wouldn’t it be smarter to just give me one set of keys and keep the other at the agency…

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