Menopause: We need to talk

Mar20

Christie BrinkleyWe’ve been seeing each other for seven years now.  I think it’s time for you to go, I mean really, get the hell out of my life.  I could have easily dealt with having a period for the rest of my life.  It only would be for a few days a month anyway.  All of the changes you have put me through, just drop freaking dead!

The changes you have made to my body are unforgiveable.  I use to have the wonderful ten inch waist to hip ratio. That is where your hips are ten inches larger than your waist.  I use to have an hour glass figure.  Now it’s more like an apple.

I exercise five days a week, for almost an hour each time.  Do you think it makes much of a difference?  Um no.  I use to have some muscle tone, now I have the dreaded old person wrinkly skin. Thank god, I live in a cold climate and I can be covered up most of the time.

Forget about doing hormone replacement, too dangerous given my family history.  I don’t have hot flashes anymore, but sleeping without taking meds, ain’t happening.  The meds I take to sleep will probably make me lose my mind. Great!

People say, but you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant now.  I didn’t worry before, because I was on birth control for years.  I only went off of it because my doctor made me.

The good thing about puberty is you know when it’s over.  So far I haven’t gotten an end date for this menopause crap.   Nobody likes to talk about it.  You men don’t know how easy you have it.  You might have to deal with a little erectile dysfunction or baldness.  Hell, you just take a little pill and shave your head. Oh, then get yourself a much younger woman.

As I sit here looking at a 62 year old Christie Brinkley on the cover of the magazine telling me about her “young-forever diet”, I pretty much want to puke.  She looks amazing at 62, but she was also a former super model.  She has amazing hair, which she admits to using hair extensions.  Yeah, I tried hair extensions, unfortunately you could tell.  Lucky for me I have a great collection of baseball caps.

The good thing about menopause?? I don’t have a flipping clue, but if you know please clue me in.

 

The New Curvy Barbie

Feb11

Curvey Barbie-rather-launch-2First off, way to go Mattel.  You finally got with the times and created three new Barbie body styles. Now Barbie and I have a lot in common, okay we are the same age and have blonde hair.  That’s about it.  I was listening to National Public Radio on my way to work this morning, and the discussion was about the new Curvy Barbie.  Turns out that curvy Barbie would be a size 8! WTF!!! Apparently a size 8 is considered a plus size in the fashion industry.

Here is an except from a Cosmopolitan article I found about this:

According to the CDC, the average American woman is a size 14, and yet the dominant sizes in the industry are 0, 2, and 4. At size 8, the plus-size models are considerably smaller than the average American women, and if that isn’t indicative of how delusional we are about what the majority of woman’s bodies look like, I don’t know what is. Teens and young adults between the ages of 12 and 26 make up 95 percent of those who have eating disorders.

Honestly, what kind of message are we sending our young women that a size 8 is plus size? The last time I was a size 8, I was in my 20’s.  If I were a size 8 now, I would look ill.  I like having some curves. We get bombarded with so many unrealistic expectations of what we should look like as women.

I find it amusing that fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld said Adele was too fat to wear his designs. She looks beautiful in whatever she has on. He’s a freaky old man with a ponytail and dark glasses.

 

 

The truth about being 50 years old

Jan23

So funny and so very true!

Sasha's avatarLipstick, Margaritas and Hairspray

Old Ageain't no placefor Sissies for blogOld age ain’t no place for sissies…Bette Davis said those words and I totally agree.

But if you believe all the commercials on TV, you’d think the over 50 crowd is having sex every day (thanks to a little pill) outside in a bathtub after you’ve come in from playing golf all day and dancing all night at your $900,000 retirement community home.

What we have here, folks, is a little confusion. And I don’t mean confusion because of old age. Nope, I mean the confusion you get from believing everything you see advertised.

So, as a grown up woman that’s over 50, I thought it was my responsibility to give you some cold, hard facts about getting older. Yes, it is great that I’ve lived to the ripe old age of “Golden”…whatever the hell THAT means. But there are a few things my body has done since I’ve turned…

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