Archive | March 20, 2016

Menopause: We need to talk

Christie BrinkleyWe’ve been seeing each other for seven years now.  I think it’s time for you to go, I mean really, get the hell out of my life.  I could have easily dealt with having a period for the rest of my life.  It only would be for a few days a month anyway.  All of the changes you have put me through, just drop freaking dead!

The changes you have made to my body are unforgiveable.  I use to have the wonderful ten inch waist to hip ratio. That is where your hips are ten inches larger than your waist.  I use to have an hour glass figure.  Now it’s more like an apple.

I exercise five days a week, for almost an hour each time.  Do you think it makes much of a difference?  Um no.  I use to have some muscle tone, now I have the dreaded old person wrinkly skin. Thank god, I live in a cold climate and I can be covered up most of the time.

Forget about doing hormone replacement, too dangerous given my family history.  I don’t have hot flashes anymore, but sleeping without taking meds, ain’t happening.  The meds I take to sleep will probably make me lose my mind. Great!

People say, but you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant now.  I didn’t worry before, because I was on birth control for years.  I only went off of it because my doctor made me.

The good thing about puberty is you know when it’s over.  So far I haven’t gotten an end date for this menopause crap.   Nobody likes to talk about it.  You men don’t know how easy you have it.  You might have to deal with a little erectile dysfunction or baldness.  Hell, you just take a little pill and shave your head. Oh, then get yourself a much younger woman.

As I sit here looking at a 62 year old Christie Brinkley on the cover of the magazine telling me about her “young-forever diet”, I pretty much want to puke.  She looks amazing at 62, but she was also a former super model.  She has amazing hair, which she admits to using hair extensions.  Yeah, I tried hair extensions, unfortunately you could tell.  Lucky for me I have a great collection of baseball caps.

The good thing about menopause?? I don’t have a flipping clue, but if you know please clue me in.