You know I can’t help myself, right? I’m simply a master at how to “win friends and influence people.” Alas, I am compelled to share the truth about Mother’s Day, thereby wilting the flowers at all those mother-daughter teas and destroying precious moments for families everywhere.

Apologies, as usual…

Mother’s Day in America actually began with Anna Jarvis in 1905, who wished to create a holiday in honor of her own mother, who had worked tirelessly to nurse wounded Civil War soldiers on both sides of the battle. She had created mother’s work parties to address public health issues and to minister to the needs of the poor.

Anna Jarvis campaigned for this national day of recognition of her own mother amid great resistance. Many people thought it was an absurd idea, but eventually in 1914 President Woodrow Wilson signed the first Mother’s Day Proclamation.

Immediately Anna Jarvis began to…